Naquada

It annoys me how us consumers sometime get the dirty end of the stick from companies and services, and its always brightened my day to pass back to certain companies a bit of their own medicine. I’ve written up calls I’ve had previously for a friends to read via email, and I thought it would slightly childish to repost them here.. we’ll start with this mornings..

A major bank sent me another letter today asking if I wanted their classic visa credit card, I assumed that given I’ve asked them 4 times to stop sending me letters asking, that they were really keen to have me as a customer.. so i thought.. well. if they can hassle me…

Burrrrrr…

[BANK] hello ‘major bank’ credit services how can i help..

[Drew] good morning, can I interest you in a drew credit card?

[BANK] sorry?

[Drew] Drew credit card.. would you like one ?

[BANK] err.. no what ?

[Drew] I thought I’d offer you a credit card, you keep offering me one and I thought I’d offer you one as well.

[BANK] we dont take out credit cards

[Drew] oh.. sure you’d not like a credit card?

[BANK] Please stop asking…

pause..

[Drew] would you like a drew card?

[BANK] No… why are you asking?

[Drew] Well I thought as you kept sending me letters asking if I wanted one.. and I keep asking you NOT to send me letters.. I’d keep asking you..

[BANK] oh

[Drew] So would you like a drew card?

[BANK] Can I put you on hold a moment ?

[Drew] sure..

music…..

[BANK_2] hello ‘major bank’ credit services how can i help..

[Drew] good morning, can I interest you in a drew credit card?

[BANK_2] Errrr..

[Drew] Well I just asked the previous person if they wanted a drew card.. and they said no..

[BANK_2] why are you asking me ??

[Drew] Well I thought as you kept sending me letters asking if I wanted one.. and I keep asking you NOT to send me letters.. I’d keep asking you..

[BANK_2] no.. look.. I can remove you from our system.. we only work on behalf of BANK, we’re not BANK..

we swap details… and I’m apparently ‘removed’ from the system (again)

[Drew] Can I talk to you manager now please?

[BANK] err yes please wait a second…

pause.. music.. pause..

[BANK Mgr] Hello Mr Webb… how can I help?

[Drew] Would you like a drew card ??

[BANK Mgr] err what?!

[Drew] Well I asked the last two people if they wanted a drew card and they said no..

[BANK Mgr] ahh, yes i can see your point but not you dont need to keep asking..

[Drew] Well I thought as you kept sending me letters asking if I wanted one.. and I keep asking you NOT to send me letters.. I’d keep asking you..

[MNBA Mgr] right.. well no.. so you dont need to ask us..

[Drew] Sure.. ?

[BANK Mgr] you details have been removed from the system.. so you shouldn’t get any more mailings..

[Drew] shouldn’t or won’t ?

[BANK Mgr] shouldnt..

[Drew] kinda sounds like I might then ?

[BANK Mgr] no… shouldnt

[Drew] theres that word again.. I might or I might not get more mailings ?

[BANK mgr] well you might get a few more in the next 8 weeks, as thats how long it takes to filter through…

[Drew] Would you like a drew card ??

[BANK mgr] err nope.. I was funny, but you dont need to labour your point you can stop asking that. I understand its annoying to get mailings but please.. stop it

[Drew] Ok.. sorry.. I might not ask again… but it could take up to 8 weeks..

Click…… hello? helloooo?

Now there is a work wise moral to this story.. it seems one of the reasons I keep getting letters is that they don’t have any matching software.. i.e. I’m on their system under various different names and variants of my name. So when they remove one… they don’t remove others..

Maybe I’ll let them cool off a bit and suggest they look at some matching cleansing and de-duplication software…

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